Beauty Regimen

So Spills said to me today, "Do you think I look beeyootiful?"

"Of course," I said.

"Really, really beeyootiful?"

I looked at her more closely. She was fluttering her eyelids at me.

"Is there something on your eyelids?"

"Yeeees, Madame," in her best southern drawl.

They were glittering.

"What have you got on your eyelids?"

"Liiiip gloss."

Trying not to laugh, I repeated, "Lip gloss?"

"And on mah fingahnails." Waving them at me.

"Wow. Did you put any on your lips?"

"Yes, ah deed. And on mah cheeks and mah forehead."

Now I looked closely, I could see that she was glistening in a sticky sheen.

"Now ah just have to wait for it to drah."

"You may be waiting awhile," I said. "Lip gloss doesn't really dry. It's meant to stay sticky and wet."

Silence. "Well, how can ah do anything if it stays sticky and wet?"

"I don't know. It's the price of beauty, I guess. You could probably flip through a magazine. I think beeyootiful ladies like to do that."

She considered this for a minute. "Naw, ahm gonna do craaaaafts."