What did Spills do when she got home from her grandparents' house, you ask?

1. rang the doorbell at least twenty times because it's funny

2. took a walk around the block with Daddy to refamiliarize herself with where everything is

3. ran full-tilt into the glass coffee-table and had a good sob until Mommy showed her Mommy's bruise from yesterday, when Mommy ploughed into a row of chairs at the movie theatre

4. devised several methods of getting Mommy and Daddy out of the kitchen so she could try to sneak another of the gingerbread heart-shaped cookies she and Grandma made

5. showed off her very full tummy after dinner, saying, "I've got a baby in there, and her name is Rebecca."

6. had a first-class argument with Grandpa over the lyrics to Sergeant Pepper, insisting they go, "It's Sergeant Pepper's only heart slum band."

7. threw her clothes into as many rooms as possible while ostensibly getting ready for her bath

8. sang reassuringly to her bulgur at dinner, "Don't worry, little bulgur, I'm going to eat you."

9. treated everyone to multiple versions of "I don't know how to make my parents love me."

10. processed into the living room dressed up in princess attire, complete with crown and high-heeled shoes, and then gave everyone in turn a sternly stiff-handed royal wave